5 ways to cope when things fall apart in your life

Sometimes in life things don’t work out the way you want them to. Things fall apart, unforeseen events occur and sometimes it just feels like too much to take. Life is cyclical in nature and it’s important to understand that whilst the bad times may feel never ending, eventually the good times will roll into place. The key is to reach a place of understanding with whatever situation you are facing, knowing that this too shall pa$$. Far easier said than done, but in maintaining a sense of perspective (and a sense of humor) this can be the very thing that can pull us through one of life’s tough spots. When things fall apart and you can’t seem to figure out a pathway through the situation, it’s important to remember that there is always a choice. You can choose to let it destroy you, define you or you can choose to let it strengthen you. Knowing we have a choice in how we react can provide a sense of empowerment, a knowledge that life struggles can provide a deeper understanding of life. It’s also of vital importance to remember a few powerful, yet easily forgotten, truths that might just help you to break on through to the other side of whatever sticky situation life throws at you.

 

1. Acceptance

This can be one of the toughest lessons to master when faced with adversity. We spend so much time and energy resisting what is, dancing with denial, that we ignore the very first step in overcoming any situation. Acceptance. Whatever difficult situation you find yourself wading into, it’s of paramount importance to accept that it is actually happening. This is no easy feat since the power of pretending it isn’t happening is utterly alluring. This is also called sticking your head in the sand- it simply doesn’t achieve anything. Whilst it can feel incredibly tempting at the time, it’s essential to understand that denial simply keeps us stuck. For if we don’t accept what is happening right in front of us, how can we find the means to move on and heal from it?

 

2. Maintain Perspective

When we feel like life’s punching bag it can be incredibly easy to fall victim to the situation. If we are feeling angry, hurt or grieving a loss we want to find something to blame, and demand an answer to the age old question: why is this happening to me? It is much harder to take a step back from the situation and acknowledge that whilst it is indeed happening, it’s not happening to you. As tough as it sounds, taking it personally just leads into a cul-de-sac of blame and resentment and if you want to start healing from a tough time its time to stop circling the cul-de-sac and get back on the open road. This is where a change of perspective is needed, a willingness to see the situation differently. If you’ve recently lost a job or are going through a difficult break-up, for example, whilst it might feel utterly devastating at the time, know that you will eventually dust yourself off, get through it and actually learn something about yourself. Just as hard times can sweep in and knock you off your feet, so can the good times. A willingness to try and see a situation differently opens yourself up to the possibility of a fresh perspective and a motivation to move on with your life.

 

3.  Life is all about learning, growing and evolving as human beings.

Unfortunately most of us tend to learn the most from adverse experiences rather than the positive ones. Some of the toughest situations I’ve personally been through have taught me the most about myself and as a result I feel transformed and even thankful for the experience (though if you told me that at the time I never would have believed you). Whatever the problem is, no matter how big or small, try to identify what lesson it is trying to teach you. It may take some digging but the lesson will be there, patiently waiting for you to uncover it. For example, if your relationship came to an abrupt halt and threw you out unwittingly onto Single Street you might discover that the relationship was acting as a training ground, a place for you to uncover and ultimately heal an unhealthy relationship tendency, so that when the next relationship appears you are ready for it. In being a student of life we learn that all experiences are necessary, that the story of what happened doesn’t really matter in the end, it’s what we learn from it that counts.

 

4. Stay Positive

When faced with adversity it can be incredibly tempting to throw a pity party for one and close down from friends and family. Whilst isolation may feel like the right response during a tough time, it can be a slippery slope down into the depths of depression or developing a belief that you are being a burden. We all need people in our lives, especially when the going gets tough, and our loved ones can act as a veritable life raft, pulling us out from the depths and lifting our spirits. In times of strife it’s also of paramount importance to surround yourself with friends or family who are positive minded, those who will be there to listen to you but also to rea$$ure you that you can get through it. Whilst it can be comforting to have your loved ones give you the space initially to rant about how terribly unfair the whole thing is, it’s also important that they help you focus on finding a solution or simply a focus on the future rather than the past. Spending these difficult times with positive-minded people can remind us that we all need someone to lean on, or at least someone to have a laugh with, as we work our way through the mire.

 

5. Don’t Give Up

At times like these it’s of paramount importance to understand that nothing lasts forever. Some of the curveballs that life throws at us might seem insurmountable but there is always a way through and we are never given more that we can handle. At the time we might not think we have the requisite tools to navigate a tricky situation, yet the fact that we invariably come through the other side can actually be a source of empowerment. Being pushed beyond the boundaries of what we believe we can handle is never fun, yet in viewing whatever situation life throws at us as a potential life lesson, ultimately we can learn from it. As a result we become stronger so that the next time life deals us a difficult hand we don’t get thrown off course as easily and we don’t give up as easily. Making a commitment to stay strong in the face of adversity can foster us with a sense of resolve.

We might not like what we are having to deal with but we can eventually get to a place where we emerge stronger, wiser and hopefully with a few life lessons tucked in our back pocket.

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Importance of marriage to society and individuals

God declared at the creation, when Adam was the only human created before Eve, that ‘it is not good that the man should be alone’. Gen 2:18, a.

Marriage, the union of one man and one woman, is a personal, but not private, relationship with great public significance. Marriage is good for the couple; it provides the optimal conditions for bearing and raising children. Marriage makes an essential contribution to the common good.

God, purposely, designed marriage (according toGenesis 1:27-28) for the following:

“So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them,"Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth." NKJV.

The purpose of fruitfulness and multiplication of mankind would have been defeated – had God not made Adam and Eve: hence, the scripture declares (about God), 'He has made everything beautiful in its time. He also has planted eternity in men's hearts and minds [a divinely implanted sense of a purpose working through the ages which nothing under the sun but God alone can satisfy], yet so that men cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end’. Eccl 3:11, AMP.

Another reason why marriage is important is to meet the need for ‘worshipping God’. Since every man will die, it will be a defeat of God’s plan if parents do not procreate. However, procreation should be through wedlock to the people of the house hold of faith, because that is the culture that God had delivered to those who are (biologically or spiritually) descendants of Abraham, Deut 7:1-4.

There are also social benefits that one derives from getting married, according to a write-up,What Are the Social Benefits of Marriage?, by FOR YOUR MARRIAGE. They include:

Marriage and Health

·         On average, husbands and wives are healthier, happier and enjoy longer lives than those who are not married.

·         Men appear to reap the most physical health benefits from marriage and suffer the greatest health consequences if they divorce.

·         Married mothers have lower rates of depression than single or cohabiting mothers, probably because they are more likely to receive practical and emotional support from their child’s father and his family.

Marriage and Wealth

·         Married couples build more wealth on average than singles or cohabiting couples.

·         Married men earn more money than do single men with similar education and job histories.

·         Married women are economically better off than divorced, cohabiting or never-married women.

Marriage and Children

Children raised by their own married mother and father are:

·         Less likely to be poor or to experience persistent economic insecurity.

·         More likely to stay in school, have fewer behavioural and attendance problems, and earn four-year college degrees.

·         Less vulnerable to serious emotional illness, depression and suicide attempts.

·         More likely to have positive attitudes towards marriage and greater success in forming lasting marriages.

Marriage and Crime/Domestic Violence

·         Married women are at lower risk for domestic violence than women in cohabiting or dating relationships.

·         Boys raised in single-parent homes are more likely to engage in criminal and delinquent behaviours than those raised by two married biological parents.

·         Married women are significantly less likely to be the victims of violent crime than single or divorced women. Married men are less likely to perpetrate violent crimes than unmarried men.

Marriage and Society

·         The institution of marriage reliably creates the social, economic and affective conditions for effective parenting.

·         Being married changes people’s lifestyles and habits in ways that are personally and socially beneficial. Marriage is a “seedbed” of pro-social behaviour.

·         Marriage generates social capital. The social bonds created through marriage yield benefits, not only for the family, but for others as well, including the larger society.

Finally, the scriptures affirms that “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”. Gen 2:24, AMP.

Hence, marriage is between one man and one woman.

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School Children Morning Devotion Cancellation in Calabar

tension is brewing in Cross River State, after the Christian Association of Nigeria, CAN, rejected the directive by the state government to stop morning devotion in secondary and primary schools across the state, saying such a directive is totally unacceptable to the association.

In a statement, CAN state chairman, Archbishop Joseph Edra Ukpo, yesterday, called on the state government to immediately withdraw the directive as it negated freedom of worship in the state.

The statement said: “Sequel to the letter from the Ministry of Education with reference No MOE/S132/VOL 1, by the Permanent Sectary of the Ministry of Education dated October 21, directing public and private primary/secondary schools across the state to suspend all assemblies (morning and afternoon) till further notice, the Christian Association of Nigeria , Cross River State chapter, hereby, says that such directive is totally unacceptable. This directive will negatively affect the moral upbringing of our children who are future leaders of this country.”

Mrs Anne Odey, Permanent Secretary of the Ministry of Education in the state, had last week, written a letter to all schools across the state, both primary and secondary, ordering the suspension of morning and afternoon devotions.

When contacted, Mrs Odey said the directive came from the state Commissioner of Police, Mr Henry Fadairo, in view of prevailing security concerns in the country, adding that it was not the state government that was trying to stop the age long practice established by missionaries who established most of the schools in the state.

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Man Who Stole From Bishop Oyedepo Runs Mad

Many people make light of one of the commandments of the Supreme Being, which states thus “thou shall not steal”. Countless number of times, this simple instruction has been flouted with several culprits getting away unscathed, but, that is not the case this time as you are about to discover.

If you are a clergyman or you are one of those who steal from sacred places, desist so you won’t end your life the way this man did.

Olawore, the man with the light fingers was employed as an accountant with the Living Faith Worldwide a.k.a Winners Chapel some years ago.

It is mandatory that anyone who wants to work with the religious body, must undergo the church’s pastoral training irrespective of the educational credentials presented. Before Olawore was employed, he was duly made to understand this pre-requisite.

He was therefore enrolled at the theological seminary, from where he subsequently graduated and was employed as an accountant in the church.

Mr. Olawore as he was called to resume work and was assigned to counting and recording the church’s proceeds after every service. According to an insider, the church’s strong room has close circuit cameras installed in all the environ except the toilets. Olawore alongside other fellow accountants are saddled with the responsibility of counting the money and separating the hard currency from the local bill.

Olawore, a close family source revealed was very close to the bishop because of his intelligence, this paved way for him to head the department after a few years of his stewardship.

But despite being close to the richest pastor in the world, Mr. Olawore and some of his colleagues were found to be stealing from the church’s treasury. How did they do that with the Close Circuit TV monitors around?

We gathered that they pinned the money in their hand and take excuse to visit the toilet where they would now hide it somewhere they would later have access to, because, after close of work, everyone will be subjected to thorough search before they are cleared to leave the strong room……

“sometimes they spend up to three days counting money and separating the hard currencies in different denomination. The tithes are directly paid into the Bishop’s account.

It became possible for them to steal hard currencies of higher denominations because these are monies that will last them sometime three days to finish counting. And while performing that duty, some of them were always using the convenience place to keep the money till after they are through with it the exercise before they would later go for their harvest” an inside source told us.

You would be shocked that many atimes the cleaners have even made themselves rich as they often see monies stashed in polythene and kept in the WC or sometime use the brush holder as piggy banks to keep the money.

Few months into this act, Olawore who is said to be blessed with the gift of prophecies was always seeing where others used to keep their stolen ‘goddies’ and as he has seen it, he would always go directly to retrieve the stolen loot.

It got to a point that the money was so enormous and he started buying lands all over the place mostly at Agbado area of Lagos, and at the same time living large and enjoying life to the fullest, but he could only do this for a short while, as his insatiable greed and appetite for women ruined him and all he has acquired through this shady means all went down the drain.

As you are reading this, Mr. Olawore seems to have become a recluse and is often seen muttering to himself while walking the streets without any hope of him regaining his sanity.

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A Cure Has Been Discover For Sickle Cell

Many who have abandoned their marriage because of this sickness had wished the cure came earlier.

Oover five million sickle cell patients in Nigeria and other African countries can now heave a sigh of relief as the University of Ibadan in partnership with the University of Illinois, Chicago, USA and University of Loyola, Chicago have discovered a permanent cure for the terminal disease.

The cure of the deadly disease
According to the Professor of Medicine, Victor Gordeuk, who is the Director, Sickle Cell Centre, University of Illinois, Chicago, USA and his colleagues, Prof. Damiano Rondelli, also from the same university and Prof. Bamidele Tayo, University of Loyola, Chicago this new treatment is done through bone marrow transplant and that it is less risky.

This was revealed at the University College Hospital, Ibadan after a three-day brainstorming session with other experts in the teaching hospital.

Unlike the other conventional method of stem cell transplant which exposes patients to radiation which could cause cancer, first blood and marrow stem cell transplant, BMT, is much more effective.

The experts who were flanked by the Chief Medical Director, UCH, Prof. Temitope Alonge, Dr. Titilola Akingbola, an haematologist and Dr. Foluke Fasola, said this stem cell transplant is a standard procedure for the treatment of many blood cancers in both adult and children.

He said: “With this chemotherapy-free transplant, we are curing adults with sickle cell disease, and we see that their quality of life improves fast within just one month of the transplant.

“About 90% of the approximately 450 patients who have received stem cell transplants for sickle cell disease have been children. Chemotherapy has been considered too risky for adult patients, who are often more weakened than children by the disease.

“Adults with sickle cell disease can now be cured without chemotherapy — the main barrier that has stood in the way for them for so long. Our data provide more support that this therapy is safe and effective and prevents patients from living shortened lives, condemned to pain and progressive complications.”

“In the new procedure, patients receive immuno-suppressive drugs just before the transplant, along with a very low dose of total body irradiation, a treatment much less harsh and with fewer potentially serious side effects than chemotherapy.”

“Donor cells from a healthy and tissue-matched sibling are transfused into the patient. Stem cells from the donor produce healthy new blood cells in the patient, eventually in sufficient quantity to eliminate symptoms. In many cases, sickle cells can no longer be detected. Patients must continue to take immunosuppressant drugs for at least a year."

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A Cure Has Been Discover For Sickle Cell

Many who have abandoned their marriage because of this sickness had wished the cure came earlier.

Oover five million sickle cell patients in Nigeria and other African countries can now heave a sigh of relief as the University of Ibadan in partnership with the University of Illinois, Chicago, USA and University of Loyola, Chicago have discovered a permanent cure for the terminal disease.

The cure of the deadly disease
According to the Professor of Medicine, Victor Gordeuk, who is the Director, Sickle Cell Centre, University of Illinois, Chicago, USA and his colleagues, Prof. Damiano Rondelli, also from the same university and Prof. Bamidele Tayo, University of Loyola, Chicago this new treatment is done through bone marrow transplant and that it is less risky.

This was revealed at the University College Hospital, Ibadan after a three-day brainstorming session with other experts in the teaching hospital.

Unlike the other conventional method of stem cell transplant which exposes patients to radiation which could cause cancer, first blood and marrow stem cell transplant, BMT, is much more effective.

The experts who were flanked by the Chief Medical Director, UCH, Prof. Temitope Alonge, Dr. Titilola Akingbola, an haematologist and Dr. Foluke Fasola, said this stem cell transplant is a standard procedure for the treatment of many blood cancers in both adult and children.

He said: “With this chemotherapy-free transplant, we are curing adults with sickle cell disease, and we see that their quality of life improves fast within just one month of the transplant.

“About 90% of the approximately 450 patients who have received stem cell transplants for sickle cell disease have been children. Chemotherapy has been considered too risky for adult patients, who are often more weakened than children by the disease.

“Adults with sickle cell disease can now be cured without chemotherapy — the main barrier that has stood in the way for them for so long. Our data provide more support that this therapy is safe and effective and prevents patients from living shortened lives, condemned to pain and progressive complications.”

“In the new procedure, patients receive immuno-suppressive drugs just before the transplant, along with a very low dose of total body irradiation, a treatment much less harsh and with fewer potentially serious side effects than chemotherapy.”

“Donor cells from a healthy and tissue-matched sibling are transfused into the patient. Stem cells from the donor produce healthy new blood cells in the patient, eventually in sufficient quantity to eliminate symptoms. In many cases, sickle cells can no longer be detected. Patients must continue to take immunosuppressant drugs for at least a year."

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British Royal Navy Warship Arrives In Nigeria

Following its assurance to assist Nigeria defeat the dread Boko Haram,  the British High Commission has disclosed that one of the country’s Royal Navy ships, HMS Lancaster has arrived Nigeria, on Tuesday.

It was gathered that shortly after the state-of-the-art Type 23 Duke Frigate arrived the country on Tuesday, the ship’s captain and the UK’s Defence Adviser in Nigeria, Colonel Dominic Fletcher, and his colleagues made a call on the Western Naval Command, Apapa, and were received by its Flag Officer Commanding, Rear Admiral Ralph Osondu.

A subsequent statement issued by the British High Commission stressed that HMS Lancaster’s visit “shows continuing UK commitment to Nigeria, and to supporting Nigerian military as they deal with security threats at land and at sea.

The British High Commissioner to Nigeria, Paul T Arkwright, was quoted as saying that “The visit of HMS Lancaster is a signal of our commitment to Nigeria and Nigeria’s military forces as they face security challenges.

“The U.K. government is firmly committed to supporting President Buhari’s government and prioritizes across the board, in particular when it comes to scarcity.”

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